Loving So Much It Hurts

I feel like a big ball of emotions right now and I know I can never put everything I am feeling into words, so just consider this blog a bunch of rambling from a lady that loves her sister so much it hurts.

My sister is 12 years younger than me and due to lots of circumstances way back when, I pretty much raised her for most of her first 5 years. I know that in itself caused a very special bond between the two of us. After I got married, moved away, and she got older, our relationship took on another form - we became each others best friend. She has always held a very special place in my heart.

Over the last 8 years I have had the heartbreak of watching my sister fall farther and farther away from the Lord - and more and more into trouble. Through it all I has always let her know I love her...nothing will ever change that...but have also done what I could to try to get her to turn back to the Lord.

Today my sister called me, crying. Her sins (illegal activity) have finally caught up with her and she is in jail. My own tears rolled down my cheeks while I told her two things:

1. I love you
2. I'm glad you're where you are

I don't mean that in a sadistic or unloving way and I told her that. I meant it because it is the only way she can begin to get her life on track - fixing the past cannot be done while running from the law.

My sister is 1600 miles away from me, but as close as my heart. She knows I love her and she knows she will only hear the truth from me - the Truth that she needs to hear is that God loves her more than me ~ and that is a lot. She needs to know He is waiting for her with open arms and that He will be with her through everything she must go through. These are just some of the things that I will be sharing with her through frequent letters (one benefit to where she is, she's bound to get my mail and read it.)

My prayer now is that throughout this time that she will be in jail ( and it will be a while) is that God can use me to help lead her back to a life with Him.

Another thing that keeps going through my mind ~~ "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son..." That is the true definition of loving so much it hurt!!